Friday, November 18, 2005
you know, one of the best relationships i had just fell apart.its so addictive... yet... the aftermath... well i knew what i was getting into but i didnt care at that time cos i was so charmed by this stranger and so intent on getting over the previous one. as selfish as it sounds, i figured jumping into a new one would help me out. well it did, but it created some new problems.this time.. i didnt expect much and i didnt try very hard. so i thought,hey... that way i wouldnt get my fingers burnt in the process right? but... stupid me... no matter how different each relationship is, the outcome is exactly the same. whats wrong with me i began to wonder. all the old insecurities i have come back to haunt me, and i ceaselessly torture myself with all these thoughts. what the fuck. yea... it was a beautiful one. but we had such different goals... we were at the wrong point of time in our lives... had a completely different outlook on things, both too young for any sort of serious thing i guess. whats more hes going overseas in a year. well actually now the only thing i can console myself with is that i'm liberated. i can make out with anyone i want, go out with anyone i want and not feel bad. oh n i can club allll i like. but then again, do i want to be this free? i'd rather lead a simple life, settling down with one good ol' guy just like my mum did. n have 2 VERY GREAT DAUGHTERS. during the course of this whole thing, i was actually grappling with the thought of still looking around because i was warned wayyy beforehand by the fella himself, chances were tt it wasnt going to last. why did i even take it??? it was so obvious from the beginning.. the odds were against it. i guess he neverreads this blog. dont think he even knows about him. so its safe to say whatever i want here. i miss him terribly, i dont know if he feels the same now. its easy for him to get over anyone, he told me. stupid me. i always ask people for advice, listen to it carefully but never heed it. i really should have. now things will never be the same again.
you know what. i quit. im not having any more relationships. from now on its strictly no strings attached.
just HOW many frogs do i have to kiss before prince charming with a fast white steed and a large sack of gold appears before me??? damn that prince charming, hes probably lazing around in his castle vegetating,watching tv and surfing porn cos i reallly dont see him around anywhere. damn YOU lazy rich bastard come save me!
you are a loser at 4:52 AM
