Thursday, May 11, 2006
i just got back from jp's fish & co. =) spent the day with charles snoozing the afternoon away. i was feeling too sian to go to psychology tutorial. i've actually been feeling kinda shitty since the whole clubbing incident. terribly embarrassing. it could have been a great night really. good company nice place and all. but one small thing sorta tainted the whole thing. i left my ic in my jeans pocket. and then the bouncer didn't let me in. i had high expectations for last night but it ended up quite a mess somehow cos i started bawling like a stupid kid. trust me to spoil the whole mood. i don't even know why i got so emotional about it... its just one club and one very mean bouncer. i guess it was the drinks or something. they cloud your judgement and then you start kicking your inhibitions away to the high heavens. and then all these private feelings that you get inside suddenly get very very public. all the restraint that i've had the past few days just gave way yesterday and i felt terribly low. everybody gets insecurities once in a while... sometimes you get the feeling that your friends hate you and nobody wants you around. and your whole existence is a big fat wastage. but i've been getting it way too often. it never occurred to me till yesterday. i've lived for 20 years and i still can't take care of myself. 20 years and i still dont know how to live my life properly. Its still in a big mess like it was a couple of years back. Perhaps its gotten even more complicated now. Give me more alcohol please.you are a loser at 11:16 PM
